On the outside just another terrible coffee shop...

Oh my damn, just thinking about this place makes my taste buds go wilder than my average Monday night. Much like what I imagine a quintessential NYU coffee joint to look like, Baked & Wired does correctly what so many others have tried and failed miserably. Located essentially in the heart of Georgetown, Baked and Wired has some of the best coffee and baked goods the city has to offer. I’m talking about some highly delicious shit here.

While the title undoubtedly implies some sort of strange combination of a simultaneously high and caffeinated degenerate, I assure you while they may frequent the place, Baked & Wired is home to college students and senior professionals alike.

Alright, now for a lesson in DC culture for those of y’all that don’t know. Here in DC there seems to be some strange phenomenon for cupcakes, resulting in what I like to call Cupcake Battles. For you ignorant folk out there that think Georgetown Cupcake is God’s gift to society, stop reading now before you go into a baseless wild rage.

On the inside, a cornucopia of Samuel L. Jackson's favorite treats!

In my humbly factual opinion, no other cupcake (only a few places actually deserve to sell them as such) in the city even compares to those of Baked & Wired.

But the deliciousness doesn’t stop there, oh no, I’ve only just begun. If the cupcakes and outstanding coffee didn’t pique your interest then maybe the slew of other unique mouthwatering creations will. Ranging anywhere from donut fritters to homemade biscottis, Baked & Wired will satiate all the childhood desires your mother maliciously refused you.

Coffee for all y'all tea haters

If after all these delicious morsels you still want more, than why not try the Wired portion of this god-like combination? Offering all the coffee and tea selections you could ever desire, you’re sure to find a favorite among their stellar lineup.Utilizing fresh beans and large shiny machines, the baristas (which is just a pretentious way to say, the chump who makes your shit) will masterfully craft your coffee.

Even though the oft times hipster crowd adorned with attire that can only be seen as some sort of mindless anachronism originally left a bad taste in my mouth, it’s the killer combo offered only at Baked and Wired that keeps me coming back.

My patented hipster removal device.


I’m back kids.

Posted: March 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

Well, well, well looks who’s back. After a extended time wallowing in my degenerative self-loathing, I’ve finally run out of other things to facilitate my procrastination. So how do I depart from the inescapable reality I’ve found myself trapped in, I asked? After a few moments the answer was clear, and I proceeded to crawl my way back to WordPress much like a disillusioned bachelor crawling back to his ex. Anyway, to avoid further rambling on my part, without further adieu (that’s a little french surrender monkey speak to spice things up) I rise from the ashes and begin my blog anew…

Guess Who's Back?

In honor of the annual Player Haters Ball this will be a tribute to everyone’s favorite Player Hater and 2002 winner… Silky Johnson.

Hate, Hate, Hate...

Officially my new favorite spot in this sad excuse for a city (HATE), Fast Gourmet is the definition of a diamond in the rough. Located in the heart of the U-Street Corridor, its easily overlooked by close-minded fools unwilling to grub inside of a gas station. That’s right hater, its inside a gas station and a rundown one at that. But open up those doors, and find yourself in a world of glory and wonder. I’m about to go all serious so hang on…. Inside you’ll find a minimalist yet aesthetically pleasing style, that has a cool and inviting feeling.

Back to reality- Offering everything from Falafel to BBQ Chicken, to its authentic South American food; Fast Gourmet’s chalkboard menu will blow your mind. Although my first excursion to Fast Gourmet was plagued by negative after effects of the previous night (Typical Night) I thoroughly enjoyed my delicious Chivito. After a short wait, what I received was a typical Uruguayan sandwich loaded with beef tenderloin, mozzarella, black forest ham, bacon and sautéed mushrooms ($13).

Chivito - Believe This

At first glance the sandwich surrounded by thin crispy fries seemed almost too good to be true… I wondered if the effects of the night before had actually worn off? After my first bite, I knew my taste buds (and life) would never be the same.

Good Lord

Many months and a hiatus from DC later, this food utopia disappeared from memory as spring break (BEERS! See above link for typical day), school, finals and a whole slew of other issues clouded my mind. After finally taking the initiative to rescind all responsibility, with the assistance of a friend I finally made it back to my Food Ground Zero. After a series of metro stops and a short walk, opening the doors reminded me why I fell in love all those months ago. After a brief chat with the co-owner (Also my friend’s sister) I decided to change things up and go with the Cubano. Every moment I waited seemed like an eternity, but I kept my mouth shut and decided not to Hate. When my name was finally called, what lay before me left me in disbelief. Packed inside a fresh baked roll resided a generous hunk of slow-roasted pork butt that was marinated for a whole day (The fuck?) topped with ham, swiss and thinly sliced pickles ($8.50).

After wiping the table of the pool of drool that escaped my mouth, I bit into a sandwich unlike any other. After devouring my sandwich, I made quick work of the crisp and delicious thinly sliced french fries.

I could go on, but in the effort to wrap this shit up I have to say that Fast Gourmet is an up and coming gourmet sandwich joint that will leave you with a goofy grin of pure satisfaction. Open until midnight on weekdays and 5am on weekends (for you lurkers out there) be sure to check this place out whenever possible. Oh, and they deliver…

(U-Street Corridor, 1400 W St NW)

Who would anyone actually walk into this place?

After countless requests/complaints as to the content and quality of this godforsaken blog, I figured the hype/hate was at the perfect point for my initial post. So considering that I told myself that I would start this over a month ago… here we go.

For the haters

As I aimlessly stumbled down the street in my heat-exhausted stupor, I saw what at first appeared to be a mirage…it couldn’t be. That’s right baby, I found a hidden Japanese Market (and travel agency)! Disguised by its seemingly grimy exterior, Hana Japanese Market aimed to fill a long-term void in my life. As I apprehensively opened to door this is what greeted my eyes (To the right son).

For you green lovers

Upon the realization that this truly was a legitimate no bullshit Japanese Market, I took a moment and let a tear drop much to the confusion of the cute Japanese owner and shopkeeper. Boasting the most authentic Japanese and Asian goods this side of the Shinano River (google that shit), Hana market has it all. Straight ahead was food, to my left Candy to my right frozen goods, deserts and drinks. They even have a whole freezer devoted to different Mochi for Christ’s sake, something so crazy only the Japanese could do it. I froze, unable to decide my path, until at last I went forward into a world lost in translation. When I reached a point where I looked around to find that I literally had no idea what I was looking at, I knew I was in the right place. While Hana Market offers many packaged and frozen goods, they also have a variety of local vegetables on hand.

Although I only got a green tea mochi (seriously a whole freezer?) and a oolong iced tea, I knew I would be back for all my Asian purchases. So if you’ve got that Asian fever, then the only prescription is Hana Japanese Market. Even if you’re not hungry just walk in and be transported to another world, you can even get some airfare whole you’re at it to experience the real thing.

(U-Street Corridor, 2004 17th St NW)

So it begins.

Posted: June 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

This post officially ends my 2 month procrastination stint, and signifies my intention to begin my guide to DC living. Because I will be the only person reading this for a while I’ll keep it short and sweet. Lets just say that you should prepare yourself for THE one and only list of underground and hidden places for you to stumble upon yourself. Here’s a picture of a cat in an astronaut suit to pass the time.

Anxiously awaiting liftoff.